My heart is beating out of my chest to share what God has set me free from and saved me from through Remnant Fellowship. I joined the church when I was only seventeen years old but I already had piles of rubble separating me from God. I grew up going to a very popular church and was involved in everything I could be involved in. I was put in leadership positions because I was willing to pray out loud and share what I read in the Bible. On the outside I looked like a zealous young Christian girl with a future in missions or ministry, and I loved this title.
However, God knew what was in my heart. The whole while when I read my Bible, I would cry because I had a hidden sin of control and anorexia tucked in my heart and mind. With this brought extreme fears and compulsive behaviors. I can honestly say I had no real personality because my mind was always consumed with worry. I did not have a good relationship with my sisters because I was jealous of them and did not know how to love anyone really but myself. It eventually got to a point where I actually lied to my mother about my eating. My mood was determined by my weight and what grades I was getting at school. I had little time to care for others because I was very busy trying to "save myself" from what I was deathly afraid of. The worst thing was I knew what I was doing was wrong and against God. But I heard in my church that we are born sinners and will struggle in our lives on earth...I would hear this underlying theme every Sunday and it made me feel better in my sin....it robbed me of the conviction I felt in the week. The pain grew and grew and I remember crying every night by myself, asking God how to let go or if I was totally being deceived in some way that was keeping me from seeing how to get this FREEDOM that was in his Word...to please reveal it to me.
Meanwhile, my mother had left our church on her own and going to a church on the computer. I had no idea what she was doing but she was getting happier and happier. I was full of pride though and never asked her really what this was all about and when she tried to explain it to me I shut it out. God is soooo merciful. The Spring after I returned from a "missions trip" my mother told me she was taking me to Tennessee. When I arrived I heard....really heard that I HAD to lay down rebellion to God. It was not a should.....I had to before it was too late. Over the course of the weekend I decided in my heart that no matter what this church was about...I didn't understand everything...but I knew that I was no longer going to control my weight by starvation any longer. God was speaking right to my heart through Gwen Shamblin and I obeyed. After that first step of obedience I felt the immediate fruit in my life that I had been longing after....God used this message to put the true Holy Fear in my heart to let go of what I was clinging to so that I could be free indeed. Since then God has shown numerous areas in my life that I needed to change in order to have the fulfilled life of following Christ and I am excited for more changes! I WANT TO CHANGE!!!!!!
God has now healed my body and mind from worry about my body. It used to be what I thought about when I woke up and went to bed. I remember rationing out the time I exercised and read the Bible trying to make sure they were about equal........it was obvious to God that I wanted to be a god too.......I will praise Him forever for this message and Gwen Shamblin who shared with the true good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ....that I have been given everything I need to do exactly what God wants and I no longer have to sin!!! I wasn't meant to live in torture, torn between loving other things....I am free to love only God!!!! I love other people now and waking up every morning is a joy because I have another day to learn from him and worship him. I want to be exactly what God would want me to be. God is teaching me this through this Remnant Fellowship!!
This church is unlike anything I have ever seen. I cannot believe the amount of true love I see here. I am learning every day from those around me how to be truly humble and like Christ. Before, I could have only picked out maybe two people in my church that I wanted to imitate because of their godly example. Now I can honestly say everyone I hang around I learn from!!!! I can say with confidence that I am loved and that someone will tell me the truth if I am doing anything wrong. I have instant friends in this church because we all love God...there is always him to talk about!!! My relationship with my sister is healed, I love her and learn from her and praise God for how she is blessed!! Without this message we would not have been this close. My parents and I talk almost every day, I want to go to them for help and advice and I trust their opinions because I know that God will speak to me through them...I didn't know that before. In this church, the youth group is full of life!!! I never knew youth could love God like this!! It reminds me of the young passionate hearts in the Bible!! We don't need someone to entertain us at our events, doing what God wants is sooo exciting! We want to serve and learn!! Now every worry is given to God and my life revolves around what he wants... not fixing myself... Gwen has shown me that God will do that. Thank you God for your mercy and grace that you have shown me truth in this day and age and allowed me to see that you are EVERYTHING!!!!