LaTamara Jackson

My name is LaTamara Jackson and I too was raised as a "Christian". I grew up spending many hours participating in church activities. However, from as young as the age of 6 years old I can remember having issues with greed and overweight. This would soon manifest itself into a life full of depression, self-focus, anger, jealousy, praise of man, and sexual sins. I became suicidal at the age of 12 and attempted suicide 2 separate occasions. I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital at the age of 18 and put on anti-depressants. I was told I had chronic depression and that I would deal with it for the rest of my life. Inside I felt hopeless and out of control. I would beg God daily to end it all.

Hoping for some way to end the pain I felt in my heart. I would cry out to God for happiness but I had no understanding of prayer or what a relationship with God meant. I would numb my pain with food causing me to gain over 135 pounds. Along with the weight came digestive problems. I would wake up in the middle of the night with horrible stomach pains. I always had to keep a bottle of Pepto Bismal with me just in case I had an "attack"; I had horrible skin irritations from where my thighs would rub together due to being overweight. I was ALWAYS HOT!!! Due to all of the problems with being overweight, my self-confidence was low so I would seek approval from men by engaging in sexual sins hoping that a relationship would end the pain. I smoked cigarettes. I over drank. I had so much anger in my heart that when things did not go my way I would literally see red and lash out at my target which was usually my mother (I blamed her for EVERY bad thing in my life).

During all of this I continued to attend a church that could never help me find an answer to any of the problems I had. I felt lost but with no one having any answers - I figured there wasn't one. So I accepted the pain and misery and decided to move on with life because this was just the way that it was going to be. BUT, PRAISES BE TO THE GOD OF THE UNIVERSE, He had another plan. A friend suggested we enroll in a Weigh Down class together and I thought, "sure what else do I have to lose?" Little did I know this would be the BEST decision of my life!! I thought I would go lose weight and then go on with my life of finally getting to be happy. This did happen but on a much higher scale than I could imagine. I did lose weight, I also stopped smoking, overdrinking, engaging in sexual sin, focusing on praise of man, being angry, and contrary to what the doctors said, I am no longer depressed and I am truly HAPPY!! I also no longer have stomach issues or skin irritations! God has healed my body and I am healthier than I have ever been.

This message has brought about the true fullfillment I always longed for but did not think was possible. I have found a true family and true friends!! I have spiritual leaders who point me to God and I no longer focus on myself! I have been taught how to have a relationship with God and it is beautiful going to Him for everything. I did not know I could look for God's Spirit, even in the small things like what to wear or where to go. I wake up everyday looking for what God wants from me not what I can get from him. I have finally been giving the keys to unlock the prison that I was in and for that I will ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL!! There are not enough words or time to explain the joy that I have in my heart (the joy the world said I could only get from taking a pill). There is also no way to fully explain to you the difference in my church experience (but I will try):

Before: I only went to church because I felt like I had to, I never wanted anyone I did not know to sit next to me, I was only nice to people because my mother worked there and I felt I had to be nice, when service was over I wanted to leave ASAP, I did not want to nor did I participate in church functions because I felt the people were fake, I gossiped during service, I watched the leadership engage in sinful acts, I did not like the people I fellowshipped with and did not spend anytime with them outside of church, I was never confronted about my greed.

Now: I go to church because I can't wait to get there to see God's people and to hear his Word, I love the people I sit next too and can't wait to see who God will allow me spend time with during that service, I love the saints I fellowship with and I want to be around them, I am usually still at church when they are turning off the lights because I love fellowshipping with my brothers and sisters in Christ, I love participating in church activities and spending my time serving God's kingdom and his people (it is SO FUN!), I would never gossip about or judge God's people, I watch as the members of this leadership live holy, pure and sold out lives for the one true God, I LOVE THE PEOPLE I FELLOWSHIP WITH, I can't wait to spend time with the saints outside of church, I was taught how to lay down greed!!! Thank you God for Remnant Fellowship!!!!