Weight loss of 30 lbs. Set free from bulimia, control, depression and over-exercising
As a kid, I didn't struggle too much with weight. I was always conscious about my body though and was always just slightly bigger than other girls. During my senior year is when I can pin point a rise in greed for food. I worked at a daycare and I can remember sneaking the snacks out of the pantry while everyone was outside playing. I would go home and sneak snacks at home too, hoping my mom wouldn't notice the diminishing bags of chips. But I was very active, so I didn't really gain any weight.
It wasn't until I got to college and my active lifestyle changed to more of a sedentary style that I started to gain weight. I probably gained 20 pounds the first year of college. I tried almost everything to get it off: eating only vegetables, running 5 miles a day. I even tried other "Christian" diets that limit intake to "natural" and "bible" foods. But in college the food surrounds you and the options are endless. The longer I was there, the more my mind would be distracted from my studies by a lust for food. I was on the front step of the cafe restaurant at 10:30, the second it would open, just so I could get to my food.
I was miserable and growing increasingly depressed. I knew that the obsession I had with food was wrong, but I didn't know how to lay it down. I had no clue God had a way! I did go to the leaders of my church to try to get help with it, but was told that I was ok. There was no hope that I'd ever get out of the prison. The emptiness I felt with God grew and I would go out to my car and cry saying, "I’m supposed to be a Christian, but why am I so depressed?"
Shortly after, I went to a book store as a last effort to find a diet that might work. God led me to the Weigh Down Diet book! I bought it because it said on the cover I could eat chocolate and potato chips and STILL lose weight!! I was so sick of salad and the thought of that freedom excited me!! I started reading the book, of course while I ate through a tub of pringles chips. I KNEW it was truth! And what I loved even more about it was that less than half of the book was about food and my eating and the rest was about a relationship with God!! I wanted that!
I was not able to put into practice what I read in the book. When I got to the end I saw the 1-800 number and called it. I couldn't believe that someone picked up on the other line and was even more thrilled to learn that there were online classes I could take! I signed up right away and dug in. I quit my Tuesday night Bible study and traded it for this class! I lost 15 pounds in the first half of the class.
Unfortunately, I had one moment where I over ate and that one mess up led me into a world of voices that I had messed up and could never get it back. I started binging uncontrollably. I felt like I "had" to binge. Somehow the simplicity of hunger and fullness was no longer simple. I was the story of a house cleaned but not filled up with God so even more demons come back and fill the house. I felt like there was no way out of my own mind anymore. I started running again, but of course the weight wouldn't come off and the binges got worse. I was so scared to gain weight that I taught myself to throw up. So my life became consumed with binging and purging. While at work all I could think of was the next binge. I started skipping work and calling in sick just to continue this cycle. I was an awful employee and lost a job because of it. I was completely wrapped up in my world of binging and purging and the only voices in my head were the demons. I tried laxatives for a little while. I didn't like the way they made me feel and I was terrified of an over dose. For the next two years, I couldn't break free. The pull was soo strong.
In the back of my mind, however, I knew that it was all a sin and I had to stop. I started trying to find churches that would tell me that it was a sin and would tell me that I HAD to stop sinning. There were none.
One day God had someone from the Weigh Down office "randomly" call me. They asked me how I was doing and I told them the truth. It was then that I was introduced to Remnant Fellowship! I was excited to try it out. I had so many answered prayers when I started going that I knew God was reassuring me that this WAS the truth and if there was something I didn't understand that I would understand it eventually if I just kept listening.
My turn around moment came out of fear for God. I knew I had to stop my patterns because I knew they would kill me and it wasn’t right for God’s body. I repented immediately and prayed that God would just let me live and I would be done with it. He did let me live and I never ever touched that tree again. He also gave me Psalm 116 to remind me of my vow.
It was at that point that I had to really grit my teeth and dig in and learn hunger and fullness. I was getting married in a month and my wedding dress didn't fit and there was no more controlling to make it fit. I stopped binging first. Then I began to focus on following hunger and fullness. It was very difficult because the voices in my head were so loud with all of the lies saying that I couldn't do it, one more day didn't matter, I’m never going to make it so what's the point, and just cheering me on to sin. The only way I could find to drown out those voices was to keep a pen and paper at my desk and when the strong temptations came to sin, I would write out to God my temptation and beg Him for help and let Him know that I was not going to go there. After I wrote it all down, the temptations would flee and I found joy! It was before Truthstream, so I kept CDs at my desk and listened to them nonstop on my headphones.
During this time I remember listening to the Rise Above tape from the original Exodus out of Egypt class. In it Gwen said that if you just put these principles into practice, you would be out of the desert and into the Promised Land in 6-12 weeks!! I was cut to the heart. I couldn't believe that I had wasted two years "struggling". I thought, "You mean I could've been done with this two years ago???" That conviction and HOPE prompted a commitment to God and a STRONG focus that I could have freedom in 6-12 weeks if I would just obey and stop trying (because I was never fully committed). So I set my mind every day and it was my single focus. Within three weeks I was done with any struggle to binge, overeat, or eat when I was not hungry!!! The pull was gone!!
It has been so sweet to lose the focus on the body as I have continued to be refined! Both of my pregnancies were beautiful and peaceful. My cravings were so clear when I was pregnant and I learned even more how to listen to what the body is calling for! I lost my weight again without controlling. At times if I see myself going up a few pounds, I just listen closely back in to hunger and fullness and make sure that I am obeying God. Now I have no pull to food. I get disgusted at the thought of eating something if I’m not hungry, even the foods that in the past were the "favorite" binge foods. There are no more "voices" in my head making me think I’m crazy. It is God's voice now that I yearn for and pray that I am finding day to day. I am FOREVER thankful for Gwen Shamblin, Weigh Down, and Remnant Fellowship! I have learned how to get up every day now for God and to walk in His Spirit and seek out what He wants! It is such a more filling and fulfilling life living for Him then filling up on food!!!!
For more of Shae’s story, watch Remnant Fellowship TV — “God’s Voice” – You Can Overcome Season 2 Episode 42