The Christian Wife

Chapter 7 of History of the Love of God, Volume III – God-Fearing Families

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. Proverbs 31:10-31

This passage paints the picture of a noble woman, with words describing subjects dressed in purple and scarlet—a queen of dignity worthy of a crown in this Royal Priesthood that God is calling (I Peter 2:9). This passage is foundational for married and unmarried women alike. Think of the most celebrated queens and princesses on Earth. If any woman aspires to such a position—whether it is the empress of the household or if she is given the title of monarch by God as the highest position in the land—this breakdown of deeds and characteristics found in Proverbs 31 is the place to go for all inspiration. The problem is that the world has forgotten the fact that each household is a microcosm of God’s Royal Kingdom. God gathers these subgroups to make a Church, starting with the home and the husband as the King, the wife as the Queen, and the children as the Princes and Princesses. A true Christian household is connected to THE KINGDOM OF GOD. It is the ultimate Aristocracy with the most gracious of atmospheres as to reflect the Heavens and the glory of the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords. How quickly we forget, we are elected to be His Imperial Priesthood.

If you have a less than ideal marriage or a less than ideal household, you can, as the wife, turn it around by taking the words of Proverbs 31 and following the example of a Godly, respectful woman. God distributes influence, and He has given great power to the wife. The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. Proverbs 14:1 The wife has that sway—she can choose to build or tear apart. It is the power that God has given to the subjects under authority.

Full Confidence

Note that the writer starts out with: Her husband has full confidence in her… Proverbs 31:11a Consider, her husband trusts her so much that he has full confidence in everything she decides to do. Just as men should ask themselves if they have their boss’ full confidence, wives should ask themselves, do you have your husband’s full confidence; and if not, how do you obtain such a trust in everything you put your hands to do?

First and foremost and without a doubt, the woman of noble character is dedicated to the Most High God and dwells in His Spirit. Without this, there is nothing successful, much less a successful marriage as described here, nor any relationship on Earth. True Nobility will depend on and pray to God constantly. Next, after committing to God, she is committed to her spouse as unto Christ. This is a commitment to the marriage relationship—with no secret dream of another man, of unfaithfulness, or of another life. Therefore, she is unswervingly dedicated to do all she can to help this one man and this one home. 

When people think they can easily get another spouse, they are far too casual with this gift, and they are far too lax about building and protecting their relationships. They do not put their all into that one marriage. They do not throw everything into that investment because they always have another opportunity around the corner…or so they think. In addition, it is far too easy in this day and age to get a divorce. Just take a visit to your local courthouse and see the line of couples divorcing, with no remorse or conscience, for they know not that the Scripture declares: “I hate divorce,” says the Lord God of Israel…So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith. Malachi 2:16. Over the years, I have seen people leave their spouse, but they only find themselves in another difficult marriage later. God is setting up this test all over again for them to learn what is in Proverbs 31, but the number one lesson is to commit before it is too late.

If you see this life as God intends it, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, one short opportunity to guard yourself, to prove your loyalty, you will be inspired to make your marriage and your home the best possible on this Earth. You will have gratefulness and loyalty for the one and only life you have been given to live out. Commitment is another word for selflessness. Foolish people live frivolously with relationships and money and time, and then time runs out.

Respect Your Husband

Once this foundation is in place, there are other essential characteristics to acquire in order to become this Noble Woman. Even after one chooses to commit no matter what, God allows couples to go thru many more trials; and unfortunately, the church has not stood her ground on the foundation of this important next element: respect. This is the sole request of Paul for wives: respect your husband. ^[1] A man can detect a lack of respect, and he can detect insincere devotion. Giving respect is a choice. You can change the world around you by choosing to give reverent respect.

Couples should hold a united front at all times, but especially during the hard times. Each young Christian man or woman should be brought up to expect the storms of life. Every one of our children should be taught, “Your time is coming. You are going to be tested. There is going to be a big storm that comes. It is going to shake and it is going to rattle your house. You have got to get the house ready for a big storm because everyone will have one.” If children are brought up that way, then they will not be so caught off guard when the testing comes. They will know to expect the storms, and they will be ready. 

In both good and bad times, determine to build up your spouse. When the husband is down, how easy is it to add insult to injury—a sure sign of selfishness. When the husband goes thru testing, it is the helpmeet’s time to encourage full acceptance of the Will of God, and the couple will grow closer as they are both on their knees crying out to God for salvation from financial, health or relational difficulties. 

Why do people lose the spark in marriage? It is because instead of working for a common cause, they work against each other because of separate personal, selfish ambitions. Competition does not build, but it tears down. The goal should not be divided. The wife is never to compete, for there is no need. Have no fear, God gives the wife beauty and automatic favor, especially from the family members. From the smallest of the babies to the oldest, she is the most popular—notice how everyone wants her company at all events and to share with her all good things. Children cannot wait to show things to the mother. The foolish woman, however, will compete with her husband, and at that point, the hard times are seen as encroaching upon her own personal goals. I see women control with anger and disappointment, pouting, slamming doors and driving off. The greedy wife will focus on the husband’s shortcomings. This is the faithless sin that believes that God is not intervening, failing to understand that God has set up this storm and that this testing, this circumstance, has been purposed since the beginning of time. Criticism of others comes from having no belief in a God that transforms His subjects thru testing. In this scenario, the wife has to nag and coerce her husband to perform better financially, as if a human can make the testing of God disappear with money. This wife has godless, selfish ambition. How many households have been destroyed by wives who were controlling and correcting the husband for their own goals, wanting the husband to earn more money to secure their own personal life of indulging themselves?

Lay Down Your Selfish Ambition

Marriage means that you lay down your selfish ambition and uphold this newly combined union, seeking what is best for the whole. In Proverbs 31, the man worked at the city gate, which would be an official city or Church paid position, and his wife worked as a retailer or wholesaler. She then bought land and set up a vineyard, which would also be for the market. She was very much a business person and manager of her own estate. Her husband had his work at the gates of the city, so she managed the home on her own, as well as being a businesswoman who was considering land and purchasing good property, selling her sewing, and of course, taking care of the children and providing clothes so that she and the children were dressed like royalty. 

Too many women work at the home and then expect the husband to drop everything to support their endeavors—thinking that he is supposed to be centered on her, rather than the other way around. Now, there are times that the husband calls the wife to be the breadwinner; but he has made that decision, and therefore, she is still in under his authority. Too many women are not helpmeets with finances and actually are just the spenders—creating constant conflict. Determine to make money and contribute to the bank account—not empty it.

Turn your selfish ambition into admiration. When facing financial trials or job changes, with wise contemplation, a wife should think of all the incredible qualities of her husband as unto Christ, knowing that this trial is only going to make him more Christlike. Help him, and thank God for how far he has come to be like Christ. Praise God for each of his righteous characteristics. Does your spouse get out of bed every day to work and provide money? Do you not understand that there are men who never work or bring in money? You should be grateful for the characteristics of Christ that your husband has. There are a few men that God gifts with wealth as a steward for the Kingdom of God and not for selfish gain, but most of the world lives modestly. The husband who does not pursue or lust after wealth for selfish gain and who is not overspending to compete with his neighbor out of vanity is the man to be honored. This Christlike man has won already—he is far ahead in righteousness and peace, for he is one who acts correctly, pays back what he owes, pays his taxes and has good credit. 

The love of money is the root of many evils. ^[2] Comparison with what other people or other households have brings on envy that leads to nagging your husband. Can you ever look at and notice other families and other homes? Yes, you can be happy for others because of what God has done for them, but you cannot be envious. Thou shalt not covet is one of the top Ten Commands of God; in other words, it is essential that we not covet. ^[3] There are times when it is good to observe other families in order to learn—taking note of the most efficient ways to clean house, raise children, please your husband, or make additional money for the household. God gives us good shepherding families to imitate for His Kingdom. ^[4] 

The Good Wife is a helpmeet for life to build this Royal Home—to bring good into that house—and therefore this implies that there can be no moodiness. Self-focus and depression are prohibited. How is this done? Change your goals—your goal is not to please yourself but to please God and your spouse. That goal is time consuming, so there will be no time for depression. Think about the house and family you have been given. Make it the best and make the best of it—it is about this glorious Kingdom Home that is a subunit of the Church. Do not think of a church building as the Church, and then go home and think that your home is not the Church. Your home is a subunit of God’s Church…a home to worship in and a home to live in so that it is glorifying God. Above all, in this home, give pleasure—be the salt. ^[5] Salt makes everything better. Bring food to your spouse, give foot rubs or back rubs, bring laughter, bring good news, bring light. Bring Christ and God to each and every soul in your home and each and every room of your house, each and every hour. The wife is there for the good of the spouse, for the good of the children, for the good of the unit. She who helps the husband helps herself.

Work on Yourself First

We have discussed being committed to the husband, showing respect, and having unified ambition instead of selfish ambition, but now for something the woman has to know, or none of this will happen. The wife is not The Holy Spirit of the Alpha and the Omega, The Lord God Almighty, nor is she the conscience to correct a husband unless he asks for advice (and even then, he is usually not asking for advice but a sounding board). Be most slow to speak. ^[6] Many women have made it their career to find faults in the husband and nag until death does part the couple, but this is the opposite of dignity, the opposite of a Godly woman, the opposite of a Christ-fearing woman—and it is simply destructive. How many households have been destroyed because of the wife controlling and correcting the husband to get him to do more to secure their life of indulging themselves? 

If you choose God’s ways, then the wife of nobility will make sure that she works on herself and does not make the husband her project. Whereas before, you might have spent hours worried about and trying to fix your spouse, but now you are free! This focus on changing yourself and not your spouse is mysteriously powerful because it gives the wife a whole new life. She has a completely new job description, and she no longer has making her husband her project on her checklist that day. A Godly helpmeet assists her husband but changes herself. She has all these hours now to get her extra weight off, to get her life cleaned up, to get herself dressed and dignified and the children dignified and the household in order.^[7] 

Turning the Other Cheek

A Queen of nobility never takes things personally. It is wrong for a husband who has had a hard day at work to come home and take it out on the wife. But if there is a lack of peace in either spouse, look inward for just one more better way to say something so that you are never sneaking in a correction, or you are never patronizing or defensive. Moodiness from either spouse will not be Heaven-bound. God is not temperamental. Christ is not sulky. Angels and Saints are not irritable, short-tempered, unstable, or threatening. You should feel peace around God and around Christ. It is a sin of projection to blame the spouse for your pain and to be the eternal judge and jury of your spouse. The upright spouse has a calling; it is the higher law for the husband or wife to turn the other cheek and have compassion for the pain that is causing the eruption in the household…compassion for the hurting. ^[8] Your job is to turn the other cheek, be full of compassion and pray. For wives, trust God to correct the authority. The wife must remain the constant while reading the spouse’s moods and being careful to honor this. 

Be a quiet sounding board. As you are quiet, you will hear more words from your spouse; they will open up. They need the opportunity to think out loud without judgment. When he hears himself speaking, then the incredible Holy Spirit of God can come in and convict him without your help. You are not there to inflict even more pain. This is true also for husbands who do not know Christ. 

Take all that energy you used to put into correcting and controlling and use it to make critical essential changes in yourself with no fear of when and how God will change what needs to be changed in your spouse. Many times God will not allow the change in your spouse until you have fully changed into a wife who only focuses on her own faults and transformation first. Forgive your husband and hold no resentments, harbor no grudges. Rather, you become independently, fearlessly upright…how intriguing, how exhilarating! Change yourself again and again, then pray for your spouse, and watch God change and instruct your husband when he needs instruction. How freeing! They will follow your changes. People look for the upright. They study it and want to be like you when you are upright, and then they are going to want your religion. How hopeful is that! The old saying is true—behind every great man is a great woman.

Building Up Your Husband

Do you want a great home and a great life? Slow down and rarely speak unless it is noble. So much is solved if we are quick to listen and slow to speak—if we are gentle and quiet, using the tongue only to encourage. Listening to your husband and teaching the children to honor and pay attention to what he says are ways to show honor to your husband. Offer a word of encouragement—never negative and patronizing—but rather uplifting. This takes faith and security in the Lord to point out something good in your husband every day. Look for it and then say something positive no matter what has been said to you. No matter what your day has been like, say something positive every day. In short, correct yourself—and build up your husband.

Positive words…it requires thinking about the good. Some women have put others down so much that they have no idea that they are constantly judging, condemning, and disapproving with their body language, all while defending themselves. If your conversations are always centered on what is broken around the house, what needs to be done or the family financial problems, you will be sure to have a bad night and a bad life. Learn to approach needed topics with prayer, like Queen Esther, without any patronization or reproach, being careful that this does not become simply your back-door approach for disapproval of something that he has done or one of his life choices. ^[9] It will be much better to focus on neutral topics until you can listen and not give opinions until asked. 

Appreciation for what the husband is and has done is the foundation of being as trusted as the Proverbs 31 woman. Show appreciation, which is respect—respond immediately when he calls, get the children to surround the father when he arrives home, point out the good of the day, point out your husband’s great traits, try to always make the atmosphere positive and fun, reassuring your husband of the commitment that nothing but God holds a higher place in your heart. You did not marry to use another for your own indulgence, you married to build. You are an architect…building, correcting and changing yourself and your actions, becoming the example as you build a mighty fortress of a home that all want to return to—not run away from.

These are the things that build full confidence that you are neither jealous nor using your husband for your own selfishness. In the Book of Job, Job’s wife was so upset about how his plight affected her when Job was tested that she only inflicted more pain, telling him to “curse God and die.” ^[10] How selfish can you get? If you think on the negative and how a husband’s testing affects your lazy life, you will grow bitter like Job’s wife. Speak and text words of respect each day, and this will nurture the relationship. This marriage is not about you but about building a union that will reflect the picture of Christ with his Bride—the Church. The power to either make or break a marriage is in your hands. It is God’s day, and it is time to build! When you take that job description, there is never a boring day! 

What is a Queen’s duty? It is her subordination of self to the office, by her sheer will and love for God and for His Son, Jesus Christ. In the end, this amazing woman is strong and never idle, but take note: the quiet turns out to be the powerful because it proves you are fully dependent on a living God who is worthy of worship. And that is when you win, and you and your spouse are both worshiping God together. This creates the royal, dignified woman. Glorious extra time will be before you for profitable endeavors, receiving the praise deserved, dressing in purple linen, and laughing at the days to come.

The Remnant has employed so much of these ancient secrets in their homes. God has transformed many into Queens and Kings and into Princes and Princesses, all for His Royal Kingdom. May we continue with even more fervor to create and raise God-Fearing Families—for we have been called for this Imperial Priesthood, for the glory of our Most High God.

Excerpt taken from God-Fearing Families.

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^[1] Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives… I Peter 3:1

^[2] For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. I Timothy 6:10

^[3] You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor. Exodus 20:17

^[4] For more about Shepherding Families, see our Leadership Team page.

^[5] Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can you make it salty again? Have salt in yourselves, and be at peace with each other. Mark 9:50

^[6] My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry… James 1:19

^[7] For help on how to lose excess weight permanently or lay down other strongholds, see www.WeighDown.com

^[8] But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. Matthew 5:39

^[9] Esther 4

^[10] His wife said to him, ‘Are you still holding on to your integrity? Curse God and die!’ Job 2:9

Copyright 2017 Remnant Fellowship, Gwen Shamblin and WeighDown