Dating

Excerpt from God-Fearing Families

Before any courting relationship can be considered, a foundation of purity must be clearly established. Purity is to be cherished.  You are not born pure or impure. It is a choice—but it is a choice of love. 

Who may ascend the hill of the Lord? Who may stand in His holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart. Psalm 24:3-4a Purity is a command for the happiness of man. It is a choice to be pure. The choice is made when you realize that your God-given personal responsibility and personal accountability were put there to show love. Purity proves your love for God and then for your spouse. Pure feels better than all other choices! We are commanded to purify ourselves. Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart. I Peter 1:22

God is not looking for your skill set, but He is looking for the love of your heart. God wants your love and purity before Him and before others around you, which means you have found this relationship, and the benefits are immeasurable. 

Appropriate Timing

Once a someone has firmly established purity in their heart, and they have built a solid relationship with God and are maturing, then their hearts naturally begin to long for Godly relationships with friends and then into consideration of Godly courtships. All parents of young adults should keep this natural progression in mind, but do not wake up this desire too early in a young person.^[1] If it does appear when a youth still seems too young, then lovingly redirect them back to their personal relationship with God, their academic studies and preparation for a career so they could even begin to consider starting a family later. Help them stay focused on building their relationship with God and finding their gifts, knowing that this courtship opportunity for them will come as time passes. As the parent, be prayerful about when they are, in fact, ready. 

An internal drive for marriage is programmed deep inside the soul of both man and woman. God created opposites and gave internal feelings of satisfaction and desire. 

Lasting Relationships

What is involved in this process of building a relationship that will last? What are the factors for Godly courtship and dating? Consider…have you ever started your own business or know anyone who has? How much time, focus and energy are needed to launch a business? With dating and marriage, you are launching a whole family unit that is of huge importance to God, and it should take even more time, prayer and consideration. 

I do believe God puts people together, but it is not as complicated as finding this one serendipitous person out there, like the movies would have you believe—that you just have to keep going until you find that “one soulmate.” True soulmates are people who are idol-free (they do not worship anything on Earth), and that is the foundation of a lasting, peaceful relationship. 

Righteousness is Alluring

Righteousness becomes more beautiful every year—God-fearing women, God-fearing men. Finding someone with the same focus on God will draw you together. The characteristics of Christ are what are attractive. Young men and women who are even-tempered, kind and gentle to everyone are the ones who are alluring. Only with righteousness comes the beauty and the handsomeness and the attractiveness. 

Young adults should be looking for someone who is in love with God. When the couple starts off with the determination together to be pure and focused on God first, it will make all the difference. 

These young people need to be so careful and kind with each other. They must be sensitive to the feelings of others and never hurt the other person if they are approached about dating. Help them to see that it is an incredible honor that any person would consider seeking their company and want to know more about their relationship with God! We must have such respect for each other. This is a Spirit-led process and should be done with much graciousness and sensitivity, being very careful. Otherwise you will find yourself distracted and lose your focus off your goals and your relationship with God, and someone will wind up with hurt feelings. 

It is also important for young adults to start thinking in terms of finances. Part of the process of launching a new family unit is having both of them, as helpmates, be able to financially support a household. Young adults should learn from to understand finances and consider employable careers, building a strong foundation for a household. Parents can help their children start saving money and gathering things that they can use to establish a home, while teaching their children how to establish good credit and how to make a good investment.

A Blessed Result

Does it work? It absolutely does work. It is how I raised my own children, and they have been so blessed with their own marriages, and their children are being blessed. Michael and Elle, and Elizabeth and Brandon are closer every year. Because of my relationship of selflessness with them, they know that I would never want to use them but only want to help them, so they desire my company. We are all helping each other and loving each other daily. We cannot wait to get together; it is fun and delightful because it is a group of selfless people helping each other, and the children are growing up to learn the same thing. We are growing closer and closer. 

^[1]Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. Song of Songs 8:4

Copyright 2017 Remnant Fellowship, Gwen Shamblin Lara and WeighDown